queen of iowa

Goodness, it's been an entire month since I posted on my blog! For a while, nothing much worth writing about was going on. Then, in the past few weeks, so much has happened that I haven't had a single second to sit down and write! Maybe now I can get caught up a bit.

I have to explain a couple things before I write this post. First of all, I was reading one of my favorite blogs and the mom on it was commenting that sometimes blogs can seem kind of fake - like everything is always going great in the person's life and there is no mention of days that are sad/bad/frustrating/"real". She challenged her readers to not be afraid to be "real" on their blogs. There are several comments I could make about that but for now I'll just say that she has a good point. Thinking through the list of my favorite blogs, I realized that the ones I always go back to are the moms who write about the fun, happy times...but also are not afraid to include "the good, the bad, and the ugly." They share their heart and I love that. I'm not exactly sure how much I can do that myself but I'm sure those of you who read this already know that I am not perfect and my life has its ups and downs just like everyone else, even if I don't write about all of them on here. :)

Second, this blog has sort of become a journal of sorts. Therefore, sometimes there will be a post more for me to remember than for anything else. If you enjoy reading them, that's an added bonus. :)

This would be one of those posts. It has taken me a while to decide whether to write this post and share the pictures or not. But it is a weekend I won’t forget and I want to be sure to remember the happy parts right along with the sad. And it doesn’t seem quite right to just jump ahead to the next post and pretend like this weekend never happened. So I hope it’s ok and that nobody will be upset that I’m writing and posting these pics.

I don't really even know where to start. Or exactly what to write. This could get long. :)

I've known the Browns since I was three and a half and Michael was six. We moved across the street from them 6 months later, right after my brother died. Michael was in elementary school and I was still in preschool...and I would sit in front of the big window in our living room frequently and wait for that big yellow school bus to drop him off in the afternoon. I would wait till he ran inside and immediately go ask my mom if we could see if he could come out and play. :} I can remember her telling me to give him thirty minutes to breathe and let his mom see him... thirty minutes is an eternity when you are four! Then I started homeschooling in 3rd grade...and six weeks later, so did Michael. His sister used to babysit me...and now we're good friends. His brother used to terrify me and was the last person to still call me Katie...but now I think he's awesome. :} So his family was pretty much a part of my every day life from the time I was four until we moved to Kville when I was twenty two. We grew up with his mom and my mom doing school with us, taking us to piano practices, going on walks together, etc. We have done Christmas together for I don't even know how long. Even after our families moved, our parents are still only five minutes from each other.

All that to say that Michael's family is our family too. So when Mrs. Brown was diagnosed with PCA...that eventually pretty much turned itself into Alzheimer's, it was hard on all of us. It was not easy to watch my best friend's mom, who had always been so kind, sweet, funny, and gentle, disappear into a body that could do nothing for herself and a mind that could no longer hold the memories of family and friends. But through the years, Michael's dad was by her side. He would set her on the couch in the living room or in her chair and feed her and care for her. He is an incredible example of "for better or worse, in sickness and in health." And if nothing else, this whole time has brought glory to God simply by the example he has set by loving his wife.

I got an email from Michael's sister on Feb. 24th asking us to be praying for their family since it looked like her mom would be going home soon. After that, every text I would get from Michael made me nervous, although, really, I knew he would call with any important news or details. Then, that Friday, I went to mom's house for dinner with the Wilsons and realized I had missed a call from him - with no voice mail message - on the way over. I tried not to let my mind go crazy after leaving him a message telling him to call me back. An hour later he finally text to say that everything was fine and he had just called to say hi. :-p

A week later on Sunday, mom took dinner over to the Browns' house and we ate lunch together after church. It's always great to be together although that day the "when?" was in the back of everyone's mind.

Michael's sister and family came the next night and Michael took off school for the week. Mrs. Brown hadn't had anything to eat or drink since about Friday, March 5th. David and his family came Thursday evening, March 11th and got to see their mom/grandmother one more time. They told her it was ok for her to go...and she did, around 1-1:30am Friday, March 12th.

Michael called to let me know early Friday morning. After my asking how he was doing, he very sweetly turned the question around and asked how I was doing since "she was half your mom too." I told him I was fine at that moment...since he woke me up when he called (I'm glad he did...) and I was only half awake at that point. :} It wouldn't hit me fully till much later.

Friday I was of course with my kids all day. Saturday, I went and grabbed my other favorite girls (M's nieces) and we went to play glow-in-the-dark puttputt to give the grownups a little breathing room with only the three boys to chase after instead of all 7 kiddos...and to get the kids out for a while.

Lauren, who loves the Brown kids almost as much as I do, came with me to give extra big hugs and help out with the "little girls" (who really aren't so little anymore!)

After that and lunch at McD's, we went back and I talked to Melissa and M's sister for a while and then hung out with M while he put together a slide show for the memorial service.

A little while later, I grabbed the two oldest nieces, Abby and Emily, and we headed to Leah's house for some "chocolate therapy". We laughed pretty much the entire time we were there...which felt great for all of us. Leah's grandfather died just a couple years ago from Alzheimer's, so she knew how A and E were feeling since she had just been right there.

It is well known that when the Brown kids are with me...there is generally no telling what will happen - partly because I never reveal my plans before hand, just to keep them guessing, and party because sometimes I'm not quite sure myself. Like, for example, our chocolate therapy session. It kind of, sort of, maybe, might have, a little bit turned in to.....

...a chocolate face-painting session! :} (And I won't say how I know...but chocolate lipstick looks terrible against someone with pale skin...but tastes simply fabulous!!)

*****

Sunday was spring forward day and after not sleeping very well the two nights before plus having to get up extra early, all I wanted to do was stay in bed. However, I knew that it was where I needed to be in order to help prepare my heart for that day and the next. It was good to be there, although, I have to admit that I'm not entirely sure what the sermon was about...but I was glad I went. I came home immediately afterwards and was back in bed by 11am.

Later that evening was the visitation and the memorial service. It was so good to see so many friends we hadn't seen in years.

The memorial service was right after the visitation. It went so so well. It was so good to just be there worshiping, singing hymns, and remembering Michael's mom. His sister had written the obituary and the pastor read it out loud. Both David and Michael spoke. I KNEW David would cry. I wasn't sure if Michael would or not. Both did really well in what they said and how they made it through. Michael told a couple funny stories of his mom and imitated her so perfectly it made me tear up. My mom spoke too and made it through with no tears...she did great! :)

I "stole" Emily for the night so I wouldn't have to drive out to camp alone the next day. I was glad to have her with me that night. In the morning, our friend, Eric, decided to drive up with us (which was great since he drove half the way!). We had an abbreviated version of the memorial service once we were there followed by walking up to the graveside.

This small cemetery is up at the camp I help out at every summer. It is a beautiful little spot and is at one of my favorite places on earth.

There are more memories from this part of the day that I will just keep in my heart and not put on here for the world to read. :)

After this part of the day was over, some of the people from Melissa's church very kindly fixed a wonderful lunch for all of us. It was so good to get to just sit and eat and chat about anything and everything.

Family photo on the front porch of Denson Hall, the main camp building.

More sharing good memories...and M being his usual goof ball self. :}

After most everyone had left, the family headed up to the Potter's House to relax.

We didn't tell Michael that Eric was coming...I also didn't tell him that our friend from college, Erin, was coming too. It was a good surprise and he was glad to see them both. We got to hang out for a while that afternoon and finally tore ourselves away to get back home since Michael was ready to get back to school and "normal" life the next day. I think we were all three (M, Eric, and me) glad to have each other there for the ride home. We can talk for forever any day.

This will definitely be one of this year's major events, although it is not exactly one any of us would choose. But we know that Michael's mom is standing in the presence of Jesus and that if we believe in Jesus' death on the cross and His resurrection three days later, we will get to stand with her one day.

Someone commented to Michael that when that day comes, there will be a race to be the first one to hug Nancy...then they corrected themselves and said, "Never mind. Your dad will be the first one to reach her, for sure." Yup.

At the memorial service, Michael's dad had chosen a song for us to listen to and I think the words were in the program...although I somehow didn't get one. Anyways, I am going to put the lyrics below. It fits so well. I wish you could hear the music.

Queen of Iowa

Andrew Peterson

I met the queen of Iowa
She was dying on a couch in the suburbs
And with all of the things she was dying of
She was more alive than the others

She was pretty as a flower in a crystal vase
It lights up the room as it withers away
And she opened her eyes
When she heard the music play

We sang a hymn to the rhythm of the river that flows
Down from the mountain of the Holy Ghost
And into the souls
Of those who know His name
Like the Queen of Iowa
She was the Queen of Iowa

Her majesty was all ablaze
She was burning hot but not consumed
Our shoes removed in that holy place
In the hallowed ground of the living room

I bowed down low and I kissed her hand
And we raised a toast to the Promised Land
And I saw the tears of joy
Run down her face

We sang a hymn to the rhythm of the river that flows
Down from the mountain of the Holy Ghost
And into the souls
Of those who know His name
Like the Queen of Iowa

(Peace like a river in a valley of bones
It fills the valley up and it carries them home)
She was the Queen of Iowa
(Bridge)
I could see my illusions scatter
Every time she drew a breath
I could see the heart of the matter:
The heart is a matter of life and death
I’ll never be the same

We sang about oceans of love again
As she stared past the ceiling and the sky above
Two court musicians, it was me and Ben
We were singing for the Queen of Iowa

We sang a hymn to the rhythm of the river that flows
Down from the mountain of the Holy Ghost
And into the souls
Of those who know His name
There was peace like a river in a valley of bones
It fills the valley up and it carries them home
To come alive again
In the river of Grace
Like the Queen of Iowa
(Peace like a river in a valley of bones
It fills the valley up and it carries them home)
She was the Queen of Iowa
Long live the Queen of Iowa