just missing around... :}

Ever miss being little? What do you miss about it? What are your favorite memories of when you were growing up? The ones that make you smile when they come to mind.

This weekend a couple things made me flash back again to when I was little and made me sort of miss...

~ playing with homemade playdough

~ paper routes

(yup. i had one)

~ playing with the bunches of neighborhood kids

~ having one of my friends stay for dinner spur-of-the-moment

~ doing school with my best friend

(ok, not the actual school work part...lol)

~ playing in the snow

~ the big swing in my friends' yard

~ the time my friends' dog got her head stuck in a black pipe and walked around looking like odie from the garfield comic.

lol my dad helped get it off and she was fine...so it was ok to laugh. :)

~ all the pet rabbits I had

...and the time our rabbit kept escaping and running up to my friends' house. finally one morning their dad stuck our rabbit in with their rabbit and called from work to let us know. a few weeks later...we came outside one morning to discover bunnies in our cage!! my friends' dad was mortified...but we were delighted!! :)

~ going for a walk one night in the snow

~ exploring the woods

~ painting rocks lol...

~ the day we got a puppy

~ lying on my bed looking up out my window and only seeing pieces of sky through the tree branches and leaves

~ piano concerts

(quartets and duets were my favorites...i do not like being the center of attention...but add a friend or three and all of a sudden it's way fun!)

~ climbing trees

~ driving my best friend crazy copying the pictures he would draw

lol...wow, i hadn't thought about that in a long time! heehee...it would make him soo mad! i just thought he had the best ideas of things to draw! i can still see the birds he would draw...

~ playing with my dolls

~ playing in our tree fort or on the swing set

~ doing flips on the old swing set

dad took all the swings and screws, etc. off the top so it would be smooth and i had a perfect bar to do gymnastic flips on!

~ taking gymnastics :)

~ the way one of the girls would always cheat at "one potato" (to see who would be "it" in a game of hide and seek or tag) and always make Michael be it

...that made him mad too...poor kid :}...except I would usually side with him on that one.

~ the bunny man

seriously. he was cool. that's what we called him. he had bunches of rabbits. and knew so much about them!

~ a dog named mwuffy...and one named newwie (nellie)

~ the time my friend Billy and I made a little bench for his sister - my other friend - Jennifer, for her birthday.

we painted it pink so it would match her room. :)

~ as I got older...playing Phase 10 either at my house or the Brown's.

I specifically remember playing it with m's mom. I can see the way her hands would hold the cards...how she would carefully choose which ones to put down on the table.

~ being babysat by my favorite babysitter ever...meredith

she made us feel like we were the coolest kids in the entire world and that she just hadn't been able to wait to see us again!

I could just keep going! :) I think I had a pretty happy childhood... :} I'm glad I have a blog now to write these things down so I can remember them for a long time.

Hey, guess what?? I even have a picture for you! :)

This is me when I was in about 4th ish grade. I am holding my rabbit Chipper. I don't know why I named him that...when we went to pick him up, I had every intention of naming him Brownie...but then, on the ride back home, I changed my mind.

The rabbit in the cage was the first rabbit I ever had...I named him Salt and Pepper. What can I say...I was little! lol

Tell me some things you remember about your childhood. I would love to hear!! If you have a blog...consider yourself tagged. (Oooh, I just started my own blog tag game...go me! heehee!) If you don't have a blog...GET ONE! lol Just kidding...although that would be way cool if you did! If you don't have a blog...leave me a happy little bloggy comment! :)

big brother love

Leah and Aiden met us at the playground last Tuesday and I ended up getting to capture Aiden loving on his new baby sister...who will arrive sometime in December. :)

He likes to touch bellies. :)

Sweet kisses for Baby Annie!

more kid quotes

just real quick so i don't forget.

*************

kiki: let's see what we can find for a good snack today!

mr. happy: how about a mushroom?

**************

There is a playground at the church across the street that we go to often. There is also a walking track around it and we sometimes see the same people walking now and then. Our favorite is a husband and wife who have a dog named Smiley. We all love Smiley...it's a happy day when we get to see her at the playground. And she really does look like she's smiling all the time. We were just leaving one day after getting to love on her for a little bit and Little Miss Giggles says...

"I like Smiley. Smiley's a good name. If I ever have a dog...or a kid...I'm gonna name it Smiley."

***************

LMG also asked me recently if we could watch Tigger-the-Pooh sometime and informed me that mommy used to like to watch The Three Students.

:}

first anniversary...

...of my 29th birthday. :) That's what I've been calling it. That 3 with a 0 following it is just intimidating for some reason. However, after the past couple weeks...I'm more ok with turning that number...I get to turn that number. My heavenly Father has blessed with 30 years and I am thankful. :)

This is me. Turning 30. This is probably the only time you will ever find a post with all the pictures only of me in it!! As much as I prefer to be behind the camera, I figured this was a big enough bday to at least have one picture of myself. I guess. That, and I really just wanted to play around with taking pictures outside in the dark...ok, that was mainly it. :} They need work. But it was fun to experiment.

There was a tiny bit of wind...thus the flames are all leaning over and look sort of cut off. Interesting.

11:32pm cst.

I am 30.

Alright, new decade...bring it! :)

blue smurf :)

I feel like I should give an update and write something more that sort of sums up the past two weeks so I can move on to other things. I just don't know what to write exactly. I'm not very good at discussing what I'm feeling.

It's been a long two weeks.

My friends Catrina and Steve (Lauren's parents) had me meet them for dinner one night last week. Steve had seen my status updates and decided they just needed to make sure I was ok. I appreciated that so much. :) We were talking about all of this and he pointed out that we need to not focus and dwell on that one very small moment in all of time...we need to focus on the 25 years before that moment...and the eternity after that moment. Those are the important parts. And he's right. I know where Jonathan is. He is standing in the presence of Christ. That makes me smile. When I think of the amazing testimony he has left behind...that makes me smile. And I know that over time, that moment will fade a little bit into the background and we will be able to remember mostly just the good times.

But for right now, that moment does matter to us. Because that is the moment that took him away seemingly way too soon. (Seemingly because I know God is in control and nothing happens outside of His will...) Nothing will be the same again. There will always be someone missing when our families are together. When I think about that, I realize how deeply sad I am inside. And then I have to remind myself that God created emotions and that I think it's ok to be sad. I don't like being sad. I don't like to see the people I love sad. I haven't cried in front of anyone during the past two weeks and I know my whole family probably wonders if I even have feelings at all! I do. I just don't want some people to see tears because it will just make them sad all over again to see me sad.

As for Chris, the shooter...that's when I really wonder just how numb I actually am. I'm not even angry at him. Really, I feel nothing towards him. Well. Actually. I feel sad for him. What was his life like that lead him to a moment like that? Why didn't he see Christ's love in the classes he was taking at MACU?? WHY THE HECK DID SOMEONE LET HIM BECOME A PART TIME POLICEMAN?!?! How in the world did he decide a gun was the answer??? He forever changed the lives of so many people in that moment. His included.

People have asked me how my aunt, uncle, and cousin are doing. My aunt is definitely taking it the hardest. She adored both of her boys. But she and my uncle are clinging to Jesus and know that He will walk through this with them.

As for my cousin, Benjamin. He is amazing.

That Sunday night, after I knew for sure that he knew (I found out before he did...long story.), I didn't know who he would be talking to or who he would be with or if he would even want to hear from me, so I just sent him a text and said I love you. This is what he text back:

"thanks k. luv u too. pray for the guy that shot my brother. i know i will have to show him Christ's love. pray that he will be receptive to the gospel."

Um. Wow. That is not where most people's minds would go after hearing that kind of horrible news about a loved one. But that's Benjamin. He is grieving too, of course. But his faith is crazy rock solid and I know he will be ok.

Anyways, the past two weeks haven't been just completely filled with only sadness. Hearing what people loved about my cousin was comforting and sometimes funny to hear. The one thing that stands out after reading what people have written on his wall and my aunt and cousin's wall, and after hearing those who spoke at his memorial service...he had one skill in particular that he had mastered, and that was loving people. He cared about everyone and was a good friend even when people weren't good friends back.

A couple people commented on the fact that he carried around a camera on his hip like some people carry a cellphone or pager...and he was quick to pull it out and snap a picture. Ha! That is true...I whined plenty of times about that! (I MUCH prefer to be behind the camera and not in front of it! lol) But if you went back and looked through his photos - the tons and tons of them - you would not find any pictures of things...only people. People are what were important to him and he was good at sharing and showing Christ's love to them.

I could write more, I'm sure...I can get very rambly at times (right, Rebekah? :)...but this is getting long enough. And while I may still be sad at times, I am really doing ok. I am comforted in the fact that God sees the bigger picture and understands what I cannot comprehend. He is holding us all and will not let go.

Thank you to those who have been praying for us. We have appreciated and felt each and every prayer.

Ok, so two more stories. This picture is of me holding Jonathan. :) I was soooo excited when I found out I had a baby cousin when Jonathan was born, that I named the new baby doll I had just gotten (for Christmas?...Jon was born in January...), Jonathan! I was very adamant that she was still a girl doll, but that her name was Jonathan...after my new baby cousin who I hadn't even met yet! :) I still have that doll. Sometime I will take a picture of her...her poor arms need surgery. :}

Last story. You're probably wondering where in the world the title of this post comes in. My aunt spoke (amazingly well!!) at the memorial service and told several cute stories...and this one was my favorite. There was one night, when Jonathan was maybe 3 or 4 and my aunt was very pregnant. She had already tucked him into bed and later had gotten ready for bed herself. She happened to have a blue nightgown on and went in to close the curtains in Jonathan's room and then went to bed. The next morning, Jonathan said to her, "Mommy!! I saw a blue smurf in my room last night!!!" Lol!

comfort from a friend

I am here in NC for my cousin's memorial service. It was a long drive...getting stuck in crawling traffic for 25 miles through Raleigh! Bleck. I am not a very patient long-trip person...just ask Michael, he can tell you, lol. :) It was good to finally get here and see my aunt and uncle and my cousin Benjamin, who I am especially close to. They are doing ok and are drawing comfort from all the prayers and encouragement from comments and notes on their facebook page and Jonathan's page. Jonathan left an amazing testimony of a strong faith in Christ that makes me so proud to have called him my cousin. Here is just one of the comments on his wall written by a friend named Dakota:

"Jon, I love you & you will always be missed especially at this time in my life. You ultimately pursuaded me to keep my son regardless of what the doctors said. & now the doctors think I'll be fine. Because of you, I get to have even more joy in my life in a couple of months. Because of you I am a happy person. You are the best and I know your chillen with jenz right now until he comes & I'm really jealous ♥"

There is more than one comment like that - saying that Jonathan touched someone's life in a significant way.

I, myself, have had so much encouragement from friends this whole week. I had my kids all last weekend and was still down at their house with them Sunday evening when my parents came over to tell me the news. Shortly after they got there, Shannon and Michael showed up at the door and stayed with me after my parents left until my kids parents got home late that night. I crashed at Shannon's house for the night since I did not want to be alone that first night. I ended up having Monday off and pretty much sat on her couch all day, played with Jonathan (who started every conversation with me that day with "SO! Kiki. ...." :), and checked fbook and the news.

I have had so many sweet comments on my facebook page, emails, and even one comment on here. (Seriously, y'all, I love coming here to find someone posted a comment!)

This weekend is supposed to be my favorite weekend of the fall. I usually keep Michael's nieces and nephew this weekend and we always have a blast. I am missing being there so.much. it hurts. It's not fair. I shouldn't have to miss it. Because this should never have happened. But anyways, when all plans were totally up in the air and I didn't know if I would possibly get to have my kids even just for one day, I knew my house needed to be ready just in case but had ZERO motivation to clean. So my sweet friend, Laura, came over armed with ice cream and offered to help clean whatever I needed help with. She washed all the dishes stacked in my sink which was a HUGE blessing!!! If you know me very well, you know that hand washing dishes is my least favorite household chore EVER!! Bleck. After the plans for this weekend were finalized and I realized I would miss being with some of my favorite kiddos, Michael helped talk me through my disappointment and also my fears of going through a funeral/burial. I don't do well with funerals. I have issues. You can ask him. But he knows better than almost anyone how to calm me down, simply because he has known me the longest. (FYI, m, you might not be done...if you got the email I sent last night...)

So thank you to all of you who have prayed for, encouraged, and been there for me through this week. I appreciate it more than you know.

Yesterday, I found myself tagged in a note on facebook, written by my best friend, Shannon. It was sweet and encouraging and I wanted to put it on here so I will have my own copy of it and not lose it. (Hope you don't mind, Shannon... :)

(And blogger is being weird again, so it's not centering it properly...grr. Oh well.)

To My Friends and Family That are Grieving

Many of my friends and family are grieving the loss of loved ones. The sudden death of our dear Chaplin Cook at the Fort, the fatal shooting and death of my best friend's cousin, the more expected but ever painful death of my nephews other grandfather. Also, one of the most loving ladies at my church, her sister recently passed away and their family is still feeling the raw pain of her absence.

I just wanted to share with you something that gave me comfort. This is from my journal entry dated May 22, 2009, when my father in law was being taken away from us by a very aggressive form of cancer. Dave and Jonathan had gone to Murfreesboro for the last big family gathering before Bob's passing. I was in the middle of reading Isaiah and I came upon Isaiah 65:17-25. You should definately read the whole thing, but here is some of it: "Behold, I will create new heavens and a new earth. The former things will not be remembered, nor will they come to mind, But be glad and rejoice forever in what I will create, for I will create Jerusalem to be a delight and its people a joy. I will rejoice over Jerusalem and take delight in my people; the sound of weeping and of crying will be heard in it no more. Never again will there be in it an infant who lives but a few days, or an old man who does not live out his years; he who dies at a hundred will be thought a mere youth, he who fails to reach a hundred will be considered accursed." Vs 17-20. "They will not toil in vain or bear children doomed to misfortune; for they will be a people blessed by the Lord, they and their descendants with them. Before they call I will answer; while they are still speaking I will hear. The wolf and the lamb will feed together, and the lion will eat straw like the ox, but dust will be the serpent's food." Vs 23-25 When Bob passed away I just kept remembering "the sound of weeping and crying will be heard in it no more. Never again will there bein it an infant who lives but a few days, or an old man who does not live out his years."

To those who are going to funerals this weekend, please remember this. To those who are still grieving, please remember. Death is not the end for us. God remains in control. Hold fast to your faith. Keep the faith, as Grandpa Gibson used to say. In your moments of grief, say God is good, God loves me. I am his child. The faith that saves us is the same faith that will help us pass this test. It may falther, it may quaver and that's ok because true, genuine faith in our Lord and Savior, WILL get us through this. (Thanks for the sermon Pastor Chris)

I love you all and I hope reading this helps you as much as I was helped by processing through and typing it out.

His love endures forever.

please pray

http://mylordandmyblog.wordpress.com/2010/10/03/pray-for-macu/

The student shot was my cousin. I'm sure I will write more about him later. For now, please just pray for his family, our family, and the student who shot him.

I pray that God will bring glory to Himself in some way through this horrible event. He is still King of Kings and Lord of Lords and holds are future in His loving hands even when nothing makes sense and I WILL praise Him in this storm.

Praise You in This Storm

I was sure by now

God You would have reached down

And wiped our tears away

Stepped in and saved the day

But once again, I say "Amen", and it's still raining

As the thunder rolls

I barely hear you whisper through the rain

"I'm with you"

And as your mercy falls

I raise my hands and praise the God who gives

And takes away

(chorus)

And I'll praise you in this storm

And I will lift my hands

For You are who You are

No matter where I am

And every tear I've cried

You hold in Your hand

You never left my side

And though my heart is torn

I will praise you in this storm

I remember when

I stumbled in the wind

You heard my cry to You

And You raised me up again

My strength is almost gone

How can I carry on

If I can't find You

But as the thunder rolls

I barely hear You whisper through the rain

"I'm with you"

And as your mercy falls

I raise my hand and praise the God who gives

And takes away

(chorus)

I lift my eyes unto the hills

Where does my help come from?

My help comes from the Lord

The maker of Heaven and Earth

~ Casting Crowns